Reality
What is reality Does it ever change? It changes. It changes more often than most would like to admit. But, I see it. I see it every time it changes. Once, it was, life was simple, things were grayed, but still understandable. People hated and people loved. There were forests and cities, countries and urban territories. The rich and the poor. There were middle class and suburbs. There were fighters, men of peace, fighters of peace. There were black and white, and there were those in between, but it was all understandable. Then, reality shifts. Things are no longer as they were. They’re all still there, but they’re not as understandable. Once, I had patience, now it runs low. Once, I knew my views, now they change daily. Once, any who knew me learned to appreciate me, now they don’t prefer me no matter which way I go. Once, family, friends, where I lived, where I learned, everywhere was enjoyable to me. I saw the present and appreciated it, and I knew the future was bleak. Now, it is the future, and it’s worse than I even predicted. Choices made were disliked and a part of me says it doesn’t matter what others think, it is your decision, and other parts realize that what one does effects many. There were always two sides, but they were always seen. Now, there are still two sides, but it’s one side or the other. There is a right and wrong. It’s like things we were taught not to believe, the popular belief, the black and white with no gray theory are the ones of truth, now. My patience is gone, the wisdom that came with my youth appears invalid, now. My opinions and thoughts count for naught and all that matters are what others want with my life. It’s as if I became a mechanical structure, merely doing as I’m told and what others want of me, then all would be well. Yet, somewhere, I gained my own views, my free will, my own opinions and was taught somewhere that it’s good to have these things. Now, I’m being re-taught that it’s only good to have these things when certain people want you to have these things, and free will is good only if it’s appeasing to the wills of others. So often I’m told I fight for the wrong causes, but who doesn’t? What person in history has made history without taking fight into a cause no one else found worthy? The King of England thought those that escaped the land were fighting for the wrong cause. Maybe it’s a bit of insanity, fighting for the wrong cause. Yet, I don’t know, somehow. The more the odds stack against me. The more family turns on me, as I lose friends that I once thought important, as my home is un-homely, and as life in general continues to degenerate, I find more reason to hold strong, and to fight, and to run against those that would stifle me. I find a way to fuel the fire within my soul. Yes, my family no longer supports me as they once did, I no longer have a group of friends to support me, my social life has turned to nothing, and I can’t stand to remain where I live. Anything that once supported me, anything I ever counted on being there for aid when I needed it, it’s either limited or non-existent. But, this only fuels my need to go against the wind, to do as they wish me not to. They say I’m too kind, then call me a jerk. I don’t speak up, but I shouldn’t fight as much as I should. I need to calm down, but lighten up. I need to. In the publics eye, I need to be just like them. But, I’m not. I’m just like myself, whether they want it or not, and I’m not to change. The more they try to change me, the more I will remain the same, and should they come to accept me for who I am, then I shall be what they accept. I am not the son of Penny or Roger, I’m not the nephew of Jon or Jennifer, I’m not the grandson of Helen or Ellen. I am Michael Christopher Ormiston, and despite what anyone desires, that is what I will remain to be.
"Before you judge me. Try hard to love me."
Mike, Believe it or not, there are people in this world who love you and understand you. I am very happy to say that I am one of them. I know you’re going through a very tough time in your life, but I wouldn’t want you to change who you are for anything or anyone. It is who you are and what you have become that I love so much about you. You have come a long way from the awkward 10-year-old that I remember. I will always be there for you even if everyone else is not.
Love Always,
Spex
Then... Sometimes... Every now and again... You realize that, despite everything stacked against you. Just when you think everything’s gone, and everything’s pain. Reality changes once again and you find out there is someone there for you. I suppose it is my sisters that provide me my will to survive. Without them, where would I be? Guaranteed that I wouldn’t be who I am.